You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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