you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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