mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
