Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
