and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
