i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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