I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
