Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
