It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
