i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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