I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
