She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
