Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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