You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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