We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
