Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
