he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
