i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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