I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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