everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
