Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
