a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
