So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
