Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
