Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
