Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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