just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
