Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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