shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
