Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
id be glad to
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
