I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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