Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
