im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
