So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
