I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
