I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
