whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
