The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
