It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
