Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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