Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Randomize
