I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
