How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize