When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
that may or may not have been my penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
