I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
