oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
