Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
