She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
