And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
