Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
