she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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