Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
