There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ugly people sure do ruin things
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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