sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
