Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
