proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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