My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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