i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
