Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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