What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
