My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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