I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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